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A Whole New Way of Thinking About Gratitude
For much of my life, gratitude has been problematic for me. Not that I’ve never felt it. On my wedding day and then again when each one of my children were born, I felt so filled up with appreciation, amazement, and awe that my whole system sputtered and gushed like a pipe being used for the first time after a winter freeze and spring thaw.
But from a very early age in my own childhood, gratitude became both a currency and an obligation — something I supposedly had that was of great value to others, so I was obligated to give it to them “on demand”. Whether it was because I resented having to give away something I seemed to have so little of or just plain stubbornness I’ll leave to the speculations of armchair psychologists everywhere. Suffice it to say that “Thank you for the yucky present” was a phrase that was highlighted enough in our family lore that it became part of my self-identity.
As I grew older, what began to feel like a battle between social mores and personal integrity increased, and my attempts to work on being more grateful predictably backfired. Every “thank you” became such a big deal that some felt like having teeth pulled and others felt like winning Olympic gold. Worse still, I began to drip fear into the mix, worrying that if I wasn’t grateful enough it would affect my physical health and financial prosperity. On the…
